Bitter row erupts as Donald Tusk says UK won’t be allowed to enter Eurovision Song Contest from 2019

The UK won’t be eligible to enter the Eurovision Song Contest after it leaves the EU, possibly as early as 2019, claims EU president Donald Tusk, sparking a major argument with UK Culture Secretary, Karen Bradley. Throwing fuel on the fire, Tusk claimed that the UK “hadn’t really made an effort” since Bucks Fizz shot to fame with their winning entry, Making Your Mind Up, in 1981 – ironically the song that was used as an anthem by the Leave campaign in last year’s EU referendum.

Donald Tusk – “Tone deaf”

Culture Secretary, Karen Bradley, is said to be furious, and critics of Brexit have claimed this is just another nail in the coffin for the ailing UK music industry. In a statement late last night she claimed Mr Tusk “knew nothing about pop music and was probably tone-deaf like most of continental Europe”, further questioning his expertise on the subject she challenged him to “name one decent band from Poland, go on – I bet you can’t, because there isn’t one!”

The 5th Beatle and UKIP ‘leader’ – Paul Nuttall

UKIP ‘leader’, Paul Nuttall claimed the UK would be far better off without the annual “cacophony of crap” and to celebrate he intended to reform his old band – The Beatles. When questioned further about his involvement in the legendary Liverpool beat combo he admitted that he hadn’t appeared on stage with them “that much” but was a regular session musician, playing on many of their best know classics and in fact helping Lennon & McCartney write most of them. Sir Paul McCartney later confirmed he had never met, or ever wished to meet the UKIP leader. Asked for further comment, Mr Nuttall placed a finger in each ear and shouted “La, la, la, la – I can’t hear you, you’re not real.” before running behind a nearby hedge.